I have a chocolate tortipoint Balinese named "Spare Parts". I realize this is a strange name for a cat, so I wrote a short story describing why she is named that way. Our story begins when Sparey is 2 weeks old and just starting to "color up" in the manner that Siamese cats tend to do.
Imagine a pure white longhaired cat with a BLUE tail!! Kinda looks like an afterthought, or a leftover spare part...)
[Scene from the Ethereal Dept of Biological Control - Pre-Natal Division]
Quality Control Inspector walks in:
"Ooops! Forgot the tail on that one, Joe!"
"Hmmm...yer right, the specs say this ain't no Manx..."
*Joe rummages through drawer*
"Hmmm...I seem to be out of white ones...I seem to remember them being on back order. Maybe we can lengthen the gestation period til the shipment comes in?"
"NO! It needs a tail NOW! FIND ONE!"
*Joe rummages through another drawer*
"Here's one! It's the wrong color, but it's definitely feline."
"Well, stick it on and get back to putting that California Condor together!
I can't have my best workers wasting time on common pussycats..."
[Quality Control Inspector storms out as Joe forgets the proper amount of calcium for the Condor eggshell recipe...]
**********[Later that same day in the Biological Control Department - Pre-Natal Division]
Quality Control Inspector returns to the lab of the best creator in the business:
"Hey, Joe, how come this pure white kitten now has two RED ears AND a BLUE tail?? You been hittin' the sauce on break again, Joe?"
"Uh, no, sir...but you see it's like this: I got the spec sheet for another pure white kitten, but ran out of white ears. Our supplier ain't able to keep up with the demand it seems. Anyway, I figgered that critter with the blue tail looked pretty weird, and I didn't want to have ANOTHER weird looking white kitten, so I snatched the ears off'n the other one and stuck 'em on the new one. Now I have a pure white Manx like I'm supposed to have, and only ONE strange stray, instead of TWO strange ones."
"Ok, well, at least you're minimizing the number of errors. But, Joe, red ears do NOT match a blue tail!! I want to see you in my office at 3 pm to take a color-blindness test."
"I'm not colorblind, sir, and I know they don't match, but I didn't have any blue ears to replace 'em with, and it was a choice between black, brown or red, and well, I thought it might be right patriotic to make a red, white and blue kitten."
*Quality Control Inspector visibly shudders at the logic*
"Joe, you can't just go around making critters out of spare parts! Look at what you did to that poor platypus! I've never seen the boss so angry... that is, after he got done laughing so hard he cried..."
"Hey, I did what I could with what I had and we were running on evolutionary deadline. I got us a new supplier after that, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did, but it looks like he can't keep up with the feline parts supply these days, so I think you'd better look to contract with someone else."
"Ok... yes, sir. Sorry, sir..."
"Fine. Now get back to work on that Tasmanian Tiger."
"Yes, sir..."
[Quality Control Inspector leaves the lab. As the door slams shut, the last vial of Thylacine genes falls off the shelf and shatters. Joe stares at the mess as he calls a different supplier for a new shipment of Thylacine genes and dugong parts.]
"The number you have reached, 1-800-666-1234, has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this number in error, please check the number and try your call again."
[Joe thinks seriously about looking for a new job...]
[Four years later: Ethereal Dept of Biological Control - Pre-Natal Division]:
Quality Control Inspector walks in:
*Knock Knock*
"Come in..."
*Inspector peers cautiously around for occupant.*
"Oh! It's YOU! I thought you'd gotten fired after that fiasco with the kitten!"
"Nope...I was placed on 5 years probation and I've been REAL careful with felines of ALL species since..."
"Well, uh, I've got some bad news for you then..."
"Oh?"
"Yeah...seems you messed up in a similar manner with a canine..."
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah...a pure white mongrel Spitz/Eskimo puppy. Nothing wrong with the genetics of the cross, but with RED ears?? Geez, man, whatever were you thinking!?"
"Oh...THAT one..." Joe sighed. "I was hoping no one would notice since it was destined to be abandoned and killed on a freeway out in Texas and I didn't want to waste my last set of white purebred terrier ears on a hopeless mutt. How'd you find out?"
"Well, someone rescued it from a Texas truck stop, and was quite puzzled when she examined the animal for identifying marks in preparation to giving it an appropriate name."
"Any complaints from the new owner?"
"No, but, uh..."
"Well then, no harm done, eh?"
"No, but, uh, funny thing...the new owner just happens to be the SAME person who was the recipient of your "spare parts" kitten in Washington. Needless to say, the Boss is just LIVID!"
"But..., those incidents were four years and 2150 miles apart! Geez! That lady sure gets around, huh?"
"Yeah, she does. Now, let me see the stats on that litter!"
*Inspector snatches a file folder off the counter. Checks paperwork.*
"Looks like you misread the instructions on that "hopeless mutt". Says here, "white MALE to die on freeway". The critter with the red ears is a FEMALE, and is destined to find a good home after being abandoned with her siblings."
"You sure about that?"
"Sure as the writing on the wall...er, on the page."
"Might be a typo?"
"The Boss don't make no typos! It's right here in black and white, and, uh, brown..."
"Brown?"
"Yeah, coffee stain."
"GIMME THAT!!!" Joe snatches the file back.
*Checks the stats thoroughly... Sighs heavily...*
"Joe, I'm really sorry to have to say this, but if you mess up just ONE more time..."
"I know, I know.... I'm really sorry. Please tell the Boss it won't ever happen again."
"See that it doesn't!"
[Quality Control Inspector storms out of the lab leaving Joe wearing sadly drooping shoulders]
[Joe sighs, shrugs and moves on to another project. He decides that Spotted owls might have a better chance of survival if their diet included highly nutritious snail darters and horned toads.]
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